Oh, Look What I Made Me Do

I will finally admit it to all of you. I hate my job.  I’ve realized my drinking has increased. It’s nearly nightly now. I’m displacing my anger and lashing out at the kids nights and mornings before work. It occurred to me the other day when breaking down in front of a friend that it’s my job.

It’s not the move. Ok, not entirely. I realize how much support I did have back in Tennessee. I realize how great my friends were there.

I’m semi-happy in the new house. I feel immense guilt for leaving the dogs all day and dread coming home to the mess I have to clean up. I can’t replace flooring because of them and must live with the shitty flooring left by the previous owners. That pisses me off.

I need to make the money I’m making to afford the house, our lifestyle. I need to work for my sanity. But I need to be doing something I like. I don’t like being an assistant. 

I generally don’t like people that can’t do for themselves. I don’t like keeping calendars, reminding people of things, catering to people I don’t respect. The stress of their problems being mine. 

What do I do? I can’t go back to school. I’m too old, I’ve got the boys. I don’t have the time or money. I can’t exactly expect to meet someone that will maybe one day let me take another job to reduce my anxiety and stress because I’m raising my children. They’re not going to pay for me and my children when they’re not their own. No one is going to take care of me or them. I have to do all of this myself.

I could move to a smaller home. That means in a worse neighborhood with worse schools.

I could look for another job but I’m stuck doing the same thing I have experience in. Changing jobs every year is poor resume material.

I obviously need to see a counselor here and find a psychiatrist to help with my meds.

I obviously need to change my attitude. Suicide isn’t an option any longer with the boys. I’ve done this all to myself. Can anyone offer words of encouragement? I’d greatly appreciate any suggestions. 

About bourbonbreathmom

No words can describe me;)
This entry was posted in #anxiety, #kids, addiction, depression, parenting, Single mom, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Oh, Look What I Made Me Do

  1. Hi, I’m so sorry you hate your job!
    Does your city have an employment commission with career counselors? They may be able to tell you what other fields your skills set transfers over to outside of the field you’re currently working in.

    I’m happy to chat outside of your public comments if you’d like. If so, please head over or my site and send an email so we have each other’s addresses.
    Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi, yes I can offer you some words of encouragement! Whatever you’ve done or had done to you isn’t something to be down on yourself about. Being a single parent is really hard and sometimes life throws circumstances at us that we might not have the tools in our tool belt to deal with. When this happens, people do the best they can with the tools they’ve got, hope for the best, and try to learn from the experiences. Take that for what it’s worth, try to be a good person, and figure things out as you go along.

    I’ve been there hating my job. a bad job can really suck out your soul. Your brief description of your job sounds like office work, maybe admin, office manager or something like that. If I’m not too far off base, those skills transfer to other fields, it’s just tough to figure out what else your skill set works with. If you have an employment commission near you, do they have anyone who works in a career counselor capacity? Sometimes you can also find those people affiliated with women’s centers.

    I’m happy to chat outside of your public comments if you need to vent, job chat, or whatever else. Please feel free to email me at thesailboattara@gmail.
    Take care!

    Like

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