Certainty

I’m pretty certain I’ve worked or known at least two of those crazy sons of bitches that would shoot up a place or kidnap a child and enslave them.

I’m pretty certain men love drama just as much as men claim women do.

I’m pretty sure I get along better with men or women that think like men.

I’m pretty sure I’d lose friends, jobs, freedoms if I truly expressed all my thoughts. My thoughts are dirtier than my mouth.

I’m pretty sure most people settle. I’ve seen some attractive people with some ugly, dirty, nasty partners.

I’m pretty sure I’ve lost something in myself as I’ve aged.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to die not achieving most of my dreams. This saddens me daily.

I’m pretty sure I’m an alcoholic. I’m working on changing that.

I’m pretty sure everyone is miserable in one way or another. Someone might a sty, you never know.

I’m pretty sure my youngest son is going to cause me a lot of problems. I’m trying to keep him from being a menace to society but using his stubbornness to benefit himself and others.

I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in God, a god, gods, one higher power, etc.

I used to be pretty sure, based on what my dad told me to ease my fears, that snakes drowned once they opened their mouths underwater. They wouldn’t bite me, they’d die if they tried.

I used to be pretty sure that tornadoes bounced over us because we lived in a valley. I’m pretty sure we didn’t live in between hills or mountains. I learned this later.

I’m pretty sure I don’t know the things I do that appear to be wrong to others. How do I know I’m doing them wrong?

I’m pretty sure most people are brainwashed in some way or another.

I’m pretty sure whatever purpose we are suppose to serve on this earth isn’t known. I’m pretty sure we may not even have a purpose. Some of think to much and need a reason for doing everything.

I’m pretty sure we put too much importance on love relationships.

I’m pretty sure we’ve messed this world up for generations to come. If we had a purpose, it sure as hell wasn’t to destroy what we have been gifted.

I’m pretty sure no one cares about that because they’re not promised eternal life. I don’t think those that murder realized how precious life is. I’m pretty sure they never experienced anything to make them really think about it.

I’m pretty sure I think too much.

I’m pretty sure I don’t write as much as I used to.

I’m pretty sure I’ll never get that back.

I’m pretty sure I’m not going to die happy and it will be my own fault, because of the way I think.

I’m pretty sure I’m smarter than my actions portray me of being. I’ve hit a wall where I’m just trying to maintain for the boys and I. I’m not challenging myself or seeking any better. I’m just above the safety net. Trying to not rock the rope too much for the boys and I to teeter. I used to want a ride a bike on that thing. I used to want to look down and get scared but feel alive. I like that feeling of being on the edge but having to hold yourself back from not jumping because part of you wants to feel that feeling of falling, because it will feel like flying for a minute. It’s wind, nothing tethered to us for safety, speed. It’s the freedom some of our souls seek our entire lives. But we step back. Why? What’s to say what’s next for us isn’t any better than the misery some of live today? Will we ever know?

About bourbonbreathmom

No words can describe me;)
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