Flat Tire, Not the Beer

I’ve had 5 or 6 screws in my tire since September I believe. I don’t know if someone is intentionally doing this to me or I’m just that lucky. I can not think of anything I’ve done to anyone that warrants this action being done to me repeatedly. I am not, nor have I ever, slept with anyone’s husband. I do not owe anyone money. I may be a bad driver and have cut people off or pissed them off with dirty looks but I don’t have a “beef” with anyone that I know of. There is a lot of construction going on around town but I don’t know if there’s that much.

I’ve been late to work. My boss may or may not truly believe me, I don’t know. This has cost me hundreds of dollars. I’ve resorted to security cameras and no longer feel safe in my home. I have a gun, but never wanted a reason to use it.

If someone is doing this I bet they don’t care about the other costs, like oldest being “tardy” to school so much. They don’t care about the fact I don’t have anymore in my savings to shell out for this because I am the sole provider of 2 boys whose father is dead and left no insurance or money for them. I am the one that has to stay employed to feed them. I am the only one that takes them to and from child care so that I can be away from them for 11 hours a day so that we have a house, transportation, food, money for school supplies, clothing. If you did these for me to pay a price, I’m done.

I just cried in my car on my lunch break. I do “THIS” all on my own. EVERYDAY. In and out. I bathe them, I cut their nails, I sign them up for sports, I wash their clothes, I kiss boo-boos, I place Band-Aids on invisible sores to calm them, I let them sleep with me after bad dreams.

I’ve gone through so much in my life that I haven’t even told anyone about that I’ve been on medication since 17 and in therapy since 18. It was never a choice I made. It’s been things people have done TO ME. I never asked for what I got. NEVER. They just did it.

If you read this looking for gratification on your deeds then you’ve won. I’m tired. I cannot keep experiencing this. Emotionally, mentally, I have enough on my own without this worry. I’m crying again now, at work. But I’ll keep changing the tires if you wish because I taught myself how! And now one day I’ll be able to teach the boys, so thank you. Thank you for proving to me that I am strong and capable and can go through SO MUCH SHIT and then MORE. This will not get me down though. I know how to move on. I’ve done it my whole fucking life.

About bourbonbreathmom

No words can describe me;)
This entry was posted in addiction, boy mom life, Single mom, Special needs. Bookmark the permalink.

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