Exhaustion 

This is a blog. My blog. And I know I should write more often but exhaustion feels like a permanent state for me at this time.

I approached some traffic coming home on a stretch of road not usually so congested. I saw a vehicle’s hazard lights on in the distance and knew it had to be a wreck or a vehicle with issues as they were stopped on the left side of the road, partly in the grass median. As I got closer I noticed more vehicles in front, off to the side in a row. I hate slowing down to rubberneck but I didn’t see debris or any evidence that an accident had occurred. And I wouldn’t normally look so hard but a few people were crouched down surrounding something in the grass and it caught my attention. The sun had set and it was hard to make out what was going on but you could clearly see two white hands compressing a chest. It’s not everyday you see someone performing CPR on someone off the side of the road. 

I suddenly found myself wondering who they were, if they were ok, was it because of an accident or a heart attack? Is this how they’ll die? In the grass? A stranger attempting to save their life? Well they recover and forever have a stranger to thank for saving their life? Will that stranger live with a feeling of accomplishment or sadness after that encounter?

I thought of my mother. How brave and how desperate one must be to quickly react to save someone and to try with their bare hands. Although I wasn’t there I can imagine her over my dad, performing CPR, on the floor of the family room at our old house and shouting, “Don’t leave me!” He was already gone. 

You never know.

I got to my kids and hugged them immediately. Fuck, life is short and precious! I forget that sometimes getting caught up in myself and my little world. 

I don’t know if the people in the grass today knew each other. I don’t know the circumstances of how they got there. I don’t know how people choose a line of work where this is a common occurrence. But, thankfully, we have those people.

I’m not going anywhere with this. I just had to remind myself that everything can change in a second. And that I, and everyone, need to start living like we’re alive.

About bourbonbreathmom

No words can describe me;)
This entry was posted in boy mom life, Single mom, Special needs. Bookmark the permalink.

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