Explain This to Me

The guy from the other night came over. The boys were asleep when he finally arrived. We talked. No drinking. We just caught up. He told me he’d come back at 5 for dinner the next day, hugged me and told me to text him later. 

I carried about my Sunday. I texted him once to tell him something about the upcoming weekend. He replied. I texted him later asking if pork chops were ok for dinner. No reply.

I figured he was busy with work. I had company all day, friends dropping by to say goodbye. I didn’t think anything else about it.

I texted him again at 5:30 asking if he was coming over. No reply. No just never showed up or replied.

It’s now Tuesday and I haven’t heard one thing from him. I don’t know if I’ve done something or he’s been in an accident, if he’s even alive or dead.

I really have no freaking clue why I try. I know have no clue why I even care. 

Not to mention a guy friend was going to come over Friday to see me since it was my last weekend in Tennessee. He never replied to my text asking if he was still coming over. 

I can’t even rely on guy friends! That’s pitiful. And you wonder why we have trust issues, why we hate you. Only my close friends and family are reliable and trustworthy. Screw the rest. I’m just removing a few people from my phone. I’m done with selfish assholes. 

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Leaving Town??

I’ve written about a lot of men. The man I complain about is a compilation of men in Tennessee I’ve liked, loved, lost. But yesterday he texted me. He’s going to miss me. I tell him I’ve been thinking of him. Hours later he wants to know if he could come over Sunday and see the boys.

It’s Saturday night. He says he regrets not spending more time with me. Yet, I tried telling him. A dozen times, I believe.

“Damnit, Christina,” he said when I told him the distance in time to my future house.

I tried telling you you’d miss me, you’d realize you wanted me. I tried telling you.

He’s on his way here. 

But I tried telling him. 

I’ve tried telling myself. 

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Leaving Town?

State? You find out who your friends are. 

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Onward and Literally Upward

I hate change. I love alcohol. It’s what’s keeping my nerves calm. I’m hating and lonely right now. 

I’m hating being in the presence of couples. I hate the engagement ring commercials on the radio. I’m hating looking at someone and noticing wedding rings, male or women, I’m either disappointed or jealous.

I hate stay-at-home mom’s and two parent families. I hate extended families and their annual trips to the beach. 

I hate men that don’t call, don’t text. I hate men that play you, use you, lie to you. I hate the faithful men in other people’s relationships. I hate the taken men, the single men.

I’m envious of happy wives. Parents with normal children and normal lives. 

I’m hurt and I’m tired.

Now to list the good things. 

I’m healthy. The boys are healthy. We’re moving. I’m employed. We have great friends and family. I’ll continue to think of more. 

My son’s freckles across their noses. 

Windows down when everyone else’s are up. 

Laughing at inside jokes with your co-workers.

Thank you for reading, I already feel better! I hope you can list the positives when you’re feeling negative. 

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Just Thinking

I’ve been out of a relationship for well over a year now. I think that’s a record! I’m also finding that I really am enjoying being alone and I get to spend more time with the boys and focus on me. I do get lonely from time to time but honestly I think this is been the best thing for me and something that I’ve needed to do for a long time.

Look what I’ve done in the last year: bought and sold a house buying and selling another one in another state, of course I’m not a multiple property owner or anything like that, I’m just flighty. I’ve switched jobs and feel making better decisions. I’m proud of myself.

I’m also hoping no more lives are lost or destroyed because ofHurricane Irma.

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I’d Never Heard of a ‘Meat and Three’ Until…

And just like that the house is on the market and Kentucky is in sight. Going back to my roots. And bourbon.

Just hoping I’m doing the right thing. After 15 years here, I do love Tennessee. I’ll miss skipping work to day drink in the honky-tonks downtown. Not getting a funny look for wearing cowboy boots. I’ll miss the sweet tea available at every restaurant. I’ll miss the vinegar-based, coleslaw topped bbq sandwich from Whitt’s, Cafe Rakka’s lentil soup and skewered rib-eye, calling Rally’s Checkers, Dos Margarita’s salsa, I’ll miss Publix and their red potato salad, ¬†and every up-and-coming restaurant’s shot at hot chicken. I’ll miss the Southern charm, the manners, the culture. I’ll miss people not acknowledging my accent.

More importantly, I’ll miss the people I’ve met the last 15 years. I’ve got friends in Louisville that I’ve known since I was five. But the last 15 years have awarded me with my current friendships. The ‘me’ of 15 years ago still has friendships there but the ‘me’ of the last 15 years has friends here. God, what memories I have and the things I’ve done!

I’m thankful that my “smarts” have enabled me to get this far in life. That I get to be challenged and test a new role with a new company. Impostor Syndrome is real. Very real.

May I find new foods, places, and friends I will come to love in Kentucky!

Kentucky, I’m coming home.

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How Do I Love Thee…

Music…I love you enough to put some poor person out in the rain today because my Bluetooth speaker bit the dust two days ago and I couldn’t stand the silence. I did the same day Amazon Prime delivery for the first time because I oh so missed my music library. 

I love music that much! Well, that and the tinnitus is drowned out by music so…

Fuck, I’m old. 

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